Procrastination, Consistency and Self-Medication

So far, this week has been an interesting one. I've spent most of my time watching (and subscribing) to a lot of Social Anxiety sufferers on YouTube. As a result, I've felt less alone in my condition. Perhaps, in the long run, it will help me to work at overcoming my anxiety. Although, currently I'm procrastinating a hell of a lot in regard to other aspects of my life, including treating my anxiety and desiring to overcome it.

I'm just living with it at the moment, drinking alcohol and taking 'unconventional' drugs (on top of taking fluoxetine/Prozac, which I'm not sure is really helping), to provide some instant relief from the intolerable symptoms I experience on a constant basis. I realize I can't go one like that for ever, though.

Due to circumstances this past month, I've been relying more on alcohol to cope, as I have been forced to socialize more than usual and way beyond my capability. Also I ran out of my favourite self-medication three weeks ago. Hopefully I'll be able to at least get some Diazepam/Valium tomorrow.

I don't like drinking alcohol when alone. Plus it has a debilitating effect, preventing me from engaging in other activities, such as studying and various creative pursuits.

So, for the moment, I'm just trying to cope. Social Anxiety constantly disrupts my ability to develop and maintain a consistent routine, such as daily meditation or practising Cognative Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

My (ex) therapist told me that if circumstances have become so intolerable that the only option is to actively work at overcoming SA, then I should be able to do just that. But I'm unable to do so. Does this mean that I'm happy to go on living this way? Not exactly, but there are so many obstacles and unforeseen anxiety producing events, that constantly facing my illness head-on is impossible. I know what I need to do, but the symptoms themselves prevent me from doing it. Implying that I need to be more self-disciplined is unhelpful.